Cam is not Superman

No hate for Carolina limping into the playoffs with a losing record. That was us a few years back. If you win your division, you qualify for the tournament, and you get to host a playoff game. Win that one, and you earn a modicum of respect, plus a road trip to the 12th Man's House of Pain.

I try hard to like Cam Newton, but his lack of humility makes it hard. I felt bad for him when his car got T-boned and he got hurt. While rooting for him to recover, I was hoping he'd grow from the experience, but he's back to the old Superman routine.



Dude, you're not Superman.

Why? Because you already look like a superhero. You are an impressive physical specimen at 6'5" with 245 pounds of pure muscle.

You can only be Superman if you can disappear into a Clark Kent persona.



Cam: No 3-piece suit could conceal the fact that you are a freak of nature. In fact, you're already wearing a superhero costume. That helmet, that armor, that uniform already make you look like a badass.

You pulling open your jersey to reveal the imaginary "S" would be like Bruce Wayne tearing off his Batman shirt to reveal a Spider-Man costume underneath. It's stupid.

You know who could pass as Superman? Marc Bulger. That dude looks like an accountant. If you saw him on the street, you'd never believe that he was an elite starting NFL quarterback. Slap some eyeshoes on his face, put him in a monkey suit, and you've got Clark Kent.



But Bulger's been out of the league for years.

Do you know who the NFL's real Superman is? This guy:



Put a suit on him and he looks like an average guy with average height and an average build. Put some glasses on him and he's an ethnic version of Clark Kent.

Turn him loose on a football field and you've got Superman.

Faster than a speeding linebacker! With a stiffarm more powerful than a locomotive! Able to juke tall defensive linemen with a single head fake.

Look, down on the field! It's Russell! It's Wilson! It's DangeRuss!

Yes, it's DangeRuss, strange visitor from another planet, who came to Seattle with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men, who can decipher defenses with his X-Ray vision, elude the fiercest pass rush, shred defenders with his ability to throw on the run, and who, disguised as Russell Wilson, mild-mannered quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way to rip the faces off the Carolina Panthers.

This is our chance to strike fear into the hearts of whoever survives tomorrow's Ice Bowl redux. If the Legion of Boom puts in a merely average effort, that should be sufficient to suffocate the offense of Mike Shula and Cam Newton. The real test is for the offense. With the return of Max Unger, we need to establish the run against a tough Carolina defense and shred them with some explosive plays on the ground and through the air. The Diehard demands a fortyburger. I want T-Jack and Christine Michael mopping up in the fourth quarter. Make it happen.

Go, Hawks!