Taunting the Hater Nation

I miss the days when the Seahawks were in the AFC West. Although I've learned to hate the Lambs, the Cardinals, and the Miners, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to muster the visceral loathing for them that I used to harbor for Denver, Oakland, and Kansas City. (I never managed to work up much ire for the San Diego Chargers. I liked Dan Fouts, our games against them were entertaining, and Krieg and the Seahawks always seemed to win those epic shootouts.)

The Raiders have always been easy to hate, because Al Davis is a jerk, because they employ low character guys as a point of pride, and because some regional traitors continued to like the Raiders even after Seattle got its own team. A cautionary example: Jerramy Stevens, who grew up in Washington state as a Raiders fan. This was indicative of the kind of character defects that sabotaged his career, first with the Seahawks here and again with Tampa Bay. (The Bucs recently cut him because he got caught with weed.)

I will say one nice thing about the Raiders: they have a history of recruiting talent from the University of Washington, including Lincoln Kennedy, Napoleon Kaufman, and Marques Tuiasosopo.


But the point of this post is to ridicule the Raiders. I reproduce here some correspondence with a Raiders fan with whom I work.

MacKENZIE's Opening Salvo:

Before the season began, when I saw Oakland on Seattle's schedule, I thought, "Yes! Automatic victory!"

But the Raiders looked downright scary last week blowing out the Broncos, glutting themselves on horseflesh and coming up one calorie shy of a sixtyburger. When the Seahawks went to Denver a few weeks ago, we made Kyle Orton look like Joe Montana. And we lost.

So, props to Oakland.

But you're still going to lose.

Consider yourself taunted.

RAIDERGRRL's Retort:


...We can ask the Raiders after they fill their bellies on Sunday.  While the horseflesh was tasty enough, the Raiders prefer fowl.

While your taunting is not completely lost on me, I am impervious to your optimism.  (Yes, a Raiders fan can spell "impervious."  Shocking.  I know.)  I can even do math.

Seahawks - 12th Man = Raiders Victory

In short, don't count your Seahawks before they're hatched.  

You'll end up with scrambled eggs.

But in the spirit of friendship, camaraderie, and for your viewing pleasure:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79rpudcLBkM

[The link goes to footage of the infamous 1987 Bo vs. Boz Monday night debacle.]

MacKENZIE's Devastating Barrage:


You had to go back to 1987 to find a significant Raider win over the mighty Seahawks?

If we're going to discuss that era, I'd rather talk about Seattle's 1988 season sweep of Oakland:

"Nov. 28, 1988: Seahawks win 35-27 on Monday night in the Kingdome, with Dave Krieg throwing five touchdown passes and Curt Warner and John L. Williams becoming the first two Seattle RBs to each gain more than 100 rushing yards in the same game." [Source: Seattle Times]

"Dec. 18, 1988: Krieg passes for 410 yards and four touchdowns, and Williams has 180 yards receiving and 59 rushing as the Seahawks beat the Raiders 43-37 to clinch the first AFC West title in franchise history." [Source: Seattle Times]

Or some more recent history:


"Nov. 11, 2001: Shaun Alexander rushes for 266 yards, including an 88-yard touchdown, as the Seahawks win 34-27 at Husky Stadium on a Sunday night. Afterward, Oakland coach Jon Gruden says, 'I don't know if that was Alexander or Jim Brown, man.'" [Source: Seattle Times]

Of course, since we only play one another every four years now, those past contests have zero bearing on tomorrow's game. I'd like to see the NFL adopt an interconference scheduling system where each division played its regional counterpart every year (e.g., AFC West vs. NFC West, AFC North vs. NFC North, etc.). This would help revive some traditional rivalries (e.g., Seahawks vs. the AFC West), create some intriguing new regional rivalries (e.g., Ravens vs. Redskins, Eagles vs. Steelers, Jets vs. Giants, etc.), and reduce the number of games where teams operate at a disadvantage on the road in alien time zones.

The Seahawks have been bad on the road for the last few years, but if we can beat a good team like Chicago on the road, we should be able to compete in Oakland, who haven't had much of a home field advantage in recent years. If our offense shows up, you're toast. Even if they don't, it will be a game. Our defense has been consistent, especially against the run, so it will be interesting to see if the Raiders can continue to post monster rushing numbers. On the other hand, Oakland might be tempted to test our battered secondary. I hope so, because a few pick sixes will help pad our lead.

Mr. Raider Face had better watch out, or raptor talons will tear out his one remaining eye, and then he will have trouble scoping out the other guys at the fabulous pirate nightclubs he evidently frequents. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

But more than anything else, I trust the Chokeland Faders to revert to form and break your heart, as they have done so reliably ever since the Bucs blew them out in Super Bowl XXXVII. ("Heartbreak" doesn't quite fit as a description of the physiological impact of losing on the rest of the Hater Nation, as they don't have hearts so much as dense, soulless clusters of pulsing antimatter that propel demonic ichor through their degenerate arteries. But I think that losing makes them feel somehow sad inside, too. As if they're not getting their money's worth after signing away their souls in infernal pacts signed with their own blood.)

After so many seasons of utter futility, you'd think that the Raiders would have hidden away the "Commitment to Excellence" banners until they can display them with a straight face and in good conscience (that is, if anyone who worked for the team had a conscience).

Consider yourself comprehensively taunted.

Postscript: Faithful readers (dare I use the plural here?) may note some inconsistency between the content of this post and my earlier contention that "Talking smack is for bitches."

Allow me to explain: I don't endorse smacktalk on the field. I discouraged it as a coach, and when I get the opportunity to play in turkey bowls, I let my play do the talking.

However, I think good-natured smacktalk among fans is harmless fun.