Sunday, October 31, 2010

Smackbacktalk

RAIDERGRRL struck back with some respectable smacktalk. Check it out, with some italicized interlinear replies from your humble correspondent:

Hi, Brian "In for a Letdown" MacKenzie:

I couldn't help but smile at your previous comment about the Seahawks making Orton look like Joe Montana.  I think they'll make McFadden look like Bo Jackson, thus the video.  
 
>Our runstuffers will mechanically separate McFadden and render him into McNuggets.
 
By the way, what DID you think of NFL Network's "Top 10 Raiders" show?  
 
>I didn't watch it, of course. This is what I meant yesterday when I wrote that NFL Top Ten's lists verging on shark-jumping specificity. Who--other than a Raiders fan--would want to watch that? I didn't watch "Top Ten Dallas Cowboys," either.
 
I'm sure they'll do something like that for the Seahawks...when they eventually have ten historical players worth discussing. I'm not sure the Network is going for the "Wait...What?  WHO?" reaction from NFL fans at this point, but maybe in time.  It's all about aspirations, and I can totally see it happening in the next thirty years or so.
 
>Nice shot, but wrong. Although the Raiders are 15 years older than Seattle's pro franchise, I'd take Seattle's top ten players over the Black Hole's Legion of Doom anytime. Let's look at it, position by position:
 
On the O-Line, Gene Upshaw and Art Shell were great players, but Walter Jones and Steve Hutchinson were at least as great. (But Jim Otto was clearly better than Robbie Tobeck.)
 
The Raiders have never had a wideout better than Steve Largent. Even our depth at receiver--Brian Blades, Joey Galloway, and Darrell Jackson--compares favorably with the Black Hole's best, Fred Biletnikoff and Tim Brown.
 
We lose at tight end, however. John Carlson and Itula Mili don't compare to Dave Caspar and Todd Christensen.
 
I concede that the Seahawks have never had a tailback as good as Marcus Allen, though if injuries hadn't shortened Curt Warner's career, he might have surpassed Allen. However, Curt Warner, Chris Warren, Ricky Watters and Shaun Alexander all had more distinguished careers with Seattle than flash-in-the pan Bo Jackson did for the Raiders.

The Hater Nation has never had a fullback as good as John L. Williams. Or Mack Strong. Or even Leonard Weaver.
 
They've never had quarterbacks as consistently good as Dave Krieg and Matt Hasselbeck. That's right. Pick your jaw up off the floor and face the facts: People remember Kenny Stabler and Jim Plunkett's good games, but Stabler had as many miserable and mediocre seasons as he had good ones, and Plunkett played so poorly that the team benched him between his Super Bowl appearances. Sure, Stabler and Plunkett each have Super Bowl rings, but that had more to do with the rest of the roster than it did with the quarterbacks.
 
On the D-Line, Howie Long, Chester McGlockton, Greg Townsend, and Otis Sistrunk were good, but Seattle more than matches those talents with perennial Pro Bowlers Cortez Kennedy, Jacob Green, Joe Nash, and Jeff Bryant 
 
Ted Hendricks, Matt Millen, and Rod Martin were excellent, but not better than Lofa Tatupu, Julian Peterson, and Chad Brown.
 
The Raiders have and have had some great corners, but Dave Brown was nearly as good, and by the end of his career, Marcus Trufant may prove as good or better.
 
George Atkinson has always had a big mouth, and Jack Tatum was a cheap shot artist who earned his "Assassin" moniker, but Eugene Robinson was as good, and the Raiders have never had a safety better than Kenny Easley. .
 
Ray Guy was the best punter in NFL history. But Norm Johnson, Josh Brown and Olindo Mare are more clutch than any kicker they Raiders have had. Have the Raiders ever had returners as dangerous as Leon Washington or Joey Galloway? Have they ever had Pro Bowl special teamers as good as Fredd Young, Rufus Porter, or Alex Bannister?
 I'll concede you might be on to something with the Seattle D playing the run well (I happen to be a big Tatupu fan, by the way), but stats aren't everything.  Regarding that, I saw some lowlights of your defense the other night. What did you guys do to Aaron Curry? He had SUCH potential. Now, he's doing his best impression of a saloon door, swinging to the outside.  If only Oakland had someone fast enough to take advantage!  Ahem.

>That hit home. Curry has been a disappointment.
 What really surprises me about your latest taunting missive is how much we agree!

I agree that if your offense show's up, the Raiders could be in for trouble.  But it won't.  Okung isn't playing.  I look for Shaughnessy and Wimbley to be sack makin' machines.  
 
>Good point. Okung is a badass, and we're much better with him on the field. His injury definitely increases the level of difficulty for Seattle.
 
This, of course, has implications on the Seattle run game.  Add Okung's injury to your serious question marks at fullback?  Eh.  
 
>Nice try, but we don't use fullbacks much anymore. We can work around Michael Robinson's absence.
 
I don't see Lynch putting up significant numbers.  Forsett, you say?  Bah.  They brought Lynch in for a reason: To bring your running game up to average. Perhaps I'm being too generous, though.  At about three yards per carry, "average" is still well out of reach.  
 
>We'll pass to set up the run.
 
Your receivers are as laughable as Oakland's, with the glaring exception of BMW this year.  But he's still BMW.  
 
>Hard to argue with that. We're still waiting for Deon Butler and Golden Tate to show up.
 
Asomugha vs. Williams?  I'll take that bet, if only I knew a Vegas oddsmaker.

>Today Asomugha gets boxed out by the big man.
I agree that the Raiders haven't had much of a home field advantage, but YOU forget it's Halloween; This is when the freaks come out. (Okay.  Fine. Halloween is when the Raiders fans wear their street clothes to the games, but the point remains.)  The Black Hole will be more rabid than usual.  
 
>It doesn't matter. Seattle's 12th Man is effective because our fans are smart enough to make noise strategically. Oakland's collective IQ is far too low for their crowd to make any difference, other than by being really ugly to look at.
 
Aside from that, you have to admit the Seattle win in Chicago left you all stunned.  You and the rest of the country.  
 
>True.
 
It was an aberration.  
 
>Perhaps.
 
Furthermore, Chicago's record belies how pitiful a team they really are.  
 
>They're much better than "pitiful." You want pitiful? Look at the Cowboys.
 
I'll cut you some slack for that comment, though, because you have to cling to SOME sort of hope.  Who am I to completely dash a young man's dreams?

>Young man? Flattery won't spare you from my withering smacktalk.
I agree Oakland may try to test your pathetic secondary ("pathetic" being the key word), but the last I checked, Lester Hayes wasn't handing out stick 'em at the House of Thrills anymore.  Consequently, a pick six is as likely as Matt Hasselbeck being the spokesperson touting the success of Rogaine on a late night infomercial.

>Invalid premise. Our secondary has shone this year.
See?  Who'da thunk we could agree so much only six, short hours from the game?
 "Raptor talons" ripping our eyes out... Really?  Why am I envisioning something more akin to fingernails in a catfight wherein the hands are slapping as daintily as your trash talk?  However, it was a clever comment about Mr. Raider Face.  Seriously.  Still, have you seen most female Raiders fans?  (Hey!  Present company excepting!!)  They wear heavy black and silver makeup for a reason and have clearly taken lessons on etiquette from Anna Nicole Smith.  Female Raider Fans or Fabulous Pirate Nightclub?  You tell me.  I TOLD you the Raiders were getting smarter!  Still, should I be alarmed by the fact that you know more about these Oakland nightclubs than I?  ;)  

>I've never been to the Bay Area, but I have good enough gaydar to recognize Mr. Raider Face for what he is, and my strong grasp of cultural geography tells me that he probably frequents clubs across the bay in San Fran.
And now to the heart of the matter:  Your comments on the Raider Nation.  You've played a plethora of familiar cards in this one, but kudos for the Fab-5-Style redecorating and extra points for working in the word "ichor."   If I wasn't such an emotional masochist when it comes to my team, these comments actually might've stung a little.  Fortunately for us both, I am again impervious, so we can remain friends.

>You are a gracious opponent.
Yours truly,

Raidergrrl Loves Getting the Last Word

>The last word is mine.











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