Beat Big Ben

Big Ben will be looking over his shoulder for Cliff Avril

Ben Rapistberger is 3-0 against Seattle.

We haven't beaten Pittsburgh since 2003.

After poor officiating helped the Stealers take Super Bowl XL, they shut us out and blew us out in both subsequent regular season meetings in Pittsburgh in 2007 and 2011.

Given that we only see the Stealers once every four years (barring the extreme improbability of another Super Bowl meeting), this may be our last chance to exact a modicum of vengeance upon Big Ben, who has never played in Seahawks Stadium. I trust the team and the 12th Man will give him an appropriately warm welcome.

...or two. (Why can't meme-makers punctuate properly?)

No players or coaches remain from that Super Bowl loss a decade ago, but presumably the Seahawks care enough about Paul Allen and the fans to do the right thing today.

Coach Carroll and many core players were with the team for the humiliating 24-0 loss in Pittsburgh four years ago, so they should have their own reasons for wanting to settle the score today--including the need to fight our way into playoff contention.

Of course, anyone with a mother, sister, daughter or a human heart should want to see someone hold Rapistberger accountable for his crimes as a serial rapist. (He escaped accountability for the two incidents we know about, but the Iron Law of Criminality dictates that the few times a scoundrel gets caught represent merely a fraction of his total offenses. I suppose this is especially true of rape committed by a wealthy and powerful celebrity, when the prospects of the victim getting justice are so demonstrably remote.)

I trust Michael Bennett and Cliff Avril to mete out justice more reliably than the courts. Sadly, Bruce Irvin--our best pass rushing linebacker--is still ailing, listed as doubtful. This would be a good time for rookie defensive end Frank Clark to make some noise.

Dude, you ain't metal. You're a rapist scumbag.

Beating Pittsburgh would be meaningful on other levels. The Stealers are 6-4, and Seattle (5-5) still hasn't beaten a winning team all year. If we hope to make a playoff run, then we'd better find a way to slay giants, because losing to the remaining winners on our schedule (Pittsburgh, Minnesota, Arizona) would guarantee that we miss the playoffs.

If Seattle's offense can maintain last week's groove, we should be OK. Bogarting the ball, sustaining drives, scoring points and keeping Big Ben off the field is the recipe for success. Pittsburgh's defense surrenders few rushing yards, in part because their offense often establishes a lead, forcing opponents to throw a lot to catch up. The Stealer D yields about as few points as Seattle's.

Presumably, Richard Sherman will limit Antonio Brown. The competition for the other cornerback slot is heating up. Cary Williams got benched for DeShawn Shead last week, and Jeremy Lane was just reactivated. Someone will need to step up to restore the luster to the Legion of Boom and shut down the Stealer wideouts. Carroll and defensive coordinator Kris Richard need to find some combination of safeties, nickel corners and linebackers to remedy our longstanding vulnerability to opposing tight ends, or Rapistberger will carve us up.

I prescribe a departure from our usual script, with insane amounts of blitzing to pulverize Big Ben.

And lots of noise from the 12th Man.

The only way to make Super Bowl XL right is to ensure that Rapistberger suffers lifelong PTSD from what is likely to be his only experience in Seahawks Stadium.

Go, Hawks!

If he's trying to acknowledge the author of his success, then he's pointing in the wrong direction