Sunday, January 19, 2014

Offensive

A lot of people are picking the 49ers to win today because they're riding an impressive 8-game winning streak.

And because the Seahawks have been fading. After starting 11-1, we have dropped two of our last five games, one of them in San Francisco, and the other a demoralizing home loss to Arizona. Last week, Seattle almost let the Saints come back late in the game.

Our offense is the problem. The Sea-fence stifles our opponents so reliably that we should dominate time of possession, but we seldom do, due to our inability to sustain drives and score points when we have the ball. Consequently, our defenders get worn down. Against New Orleans, after shutting down the league's most potent passing attack for three full quarters, our defense got tired and started yielding yards and points.

It starts with coaching. The team's recent offensive slump probably doomed Darrell Bevell as a head coaching candidate this year, and with good reason. Last month, the 49ers figured out our offense. They showed how a good defense could load the box, limit our run game, play zone to smother our receivers and deploy a spy to neutralize Russell Wilson. Subsequent opponents have tried to replicate that formula. Arizona had the defensive talent to pull it off and humiliate us at home. New Orleans nearly did it, too: the Saints consistently shut down our passing attack, but they could not stop BeastQuake II.

Remarkably, Bevell has so far failed to rise to this challenge as offensive coordinator.

Aside from a few plays designed for Percy Harvin, there have been no discernible changes in our offensive schemes. Harvin provided a brief spark, but he's out again today.

Russell Wilson is in the worst slump of his life. He hasn't played a good game in more than six weeks. Once clutch, calm, accurate and decisive, Wilson now seems tentative, and with good reason. Our schemes don't work, and he knows it. His receivers can't get open. Our offensive line remains porous on passing downs, and the run blocking isn't great, either. (Tom Cable won't be a head coach this year, either.)

Beast Mode took the offense on his shoulders last week, and he'll try to do so again, but that won't be easy against San Francisco's solid defensive line and all-world linebacking corps.

Darrell Bevell could help by designing an offensive game plan to frustrate San Francisco's assumptions. We know their secondary can normally shut down our present complement of wideouts, but can their linebackers divide their attention between their expected duties (shutting down Lynch and spying on Wilson) and some unanticipated ones (e.g., covering tight ends, running backs and perhaps an eligible tackle on pass routes out of run formations)? A few unexpected wrinkles can throw a defense off balance, bolster your team's confidence and help even your bread-and-butter offensive plays work better.

Our special teams also need work. The 49ers blocked a punt in each of its two regular season games against Seattle. The Seahawks can't let that happen today, nor can we allow another successful onside kick, as we did against New Orleans last week.

The defense remains the strength of our team. With help from the 12th Man, they should be able to limit the 49ers.

Seattle needs to win this game. Championship opportunities are rare, and this team has an opportunity to surpass the 2005 Seahawks as the best in franchise history.

It's also important to piss off the world. The Washington Post ran this map of the United States showing the percentage of Facebook users in each county that support the Seahawks vs. the 49ers: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/files/2014/01/original.png

The map shows strong support for Seattle in only five states: Washington, Alaska, Idaho, Oregon and Montana. The other 45 states are rooting for San Francisco. Every single one of those other states needs their eyes torn out by our talons.

Everyone is predicting a close game, but I hope they're wrong.

I want another beatdown.

I want BeastQuake III.

I want DangeRuss to get his groove back.

I want Michael Robinson to show Navarro Bowman what a hard hit feels like.

I want Zach Miller to become again the dominant receiving tight end he once was.

I want Doug Baldwin and Jermaine Kearse to break out.

I want Golden Tate to take a punt return to the house.

I want Frank Gore to discover the real Inconvenient Truth: opponents can't run the ball in Seahawks Stadium.

I want the 12th Man to keep confusing quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

I want the Legion of Boom will abuse his receivers and pick off his passes.

I want Big Red Bryant to flatten leadfooted left guard Mike Iupati and toss his QB like a rag doll.

I want Jim Harbaugh to wonder what our deal is.

Kap will not kiss his biceps, but he will eat FieldTurf.

Go, Hawks!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Saints vs. Seahawks

For the fifth time in seven weeks, the Seahawks have to deal with some saints.

It began with blowing out the New Orleans Saints on Monday Night Football back on December 2nd.

The following week, Seattle lost narrowly to San Francisco.

In the season finale, the Seahawks humiliated St. Louis.

During the first-round postseason bye, Jude--patron saint of the impossible--evidently worked a miracle cure for Percy Harvin.

This afternoon, of course, the New Orleans Saints return to Seahawks Stadium, the scene of serial prime time crimes, the epicenter of the 2011 BeastQuake that buried the defending Super Bowl champions, and the field on which Seattle thoroughly dominated them just last month.

This time, the Saints get to face the Beast and Legion of Boom in broad daylight, but presumably the 12th Man will be just as loud. (An NFL Network teaser last night promised that this morning's pregame coverage would show "How the Saints can silence the 12th Man." I didn't tune in to watch, because I assume New Orleans lacks the medical manpower to anesthetize 67,000 fans and excise their larynges.

The Saints arrive emboldened by their road win over the Eagles last week and determined to avenge their earlier humiliation at our hands (talons?). Presumably, New Orleans will put up a better fight today. Even nonaligned fans must salivate at the prospect of a rematch between the all-world Saints offense and the all-world Seattle defense.

Our failure to handle Arizona at home last month should inoculate the Seahawks against a letdown today. With the cathartic beatdown of St. Louis in Week 17, Seattle made a good start toward restoring our reputation for invincibility at home, but a loss today would all but erase that small beginning.

The win over the Rams did not prove that the Seahawk offense is back on track. In those two December defeats, San Francisco and Arizona figured out how to stay safe from DangeRuss and keep Marshawn in Least Mode. Of course, subsequent opponents will try to use the same schemes to stymie our offense  St. Louis lacked the secondary talent and the team discipline to execute those schemes, so Seattle moved the ball well enough against the Rams. Unfortunately, New Orleans has good corners and safeties, and Rob Ryan has the Saints playing good, disciplined defense.

Hopefully, with rest and self-scouting during the bye week, plus Percy Harvin, our offense will return to form.

Go, Hawks!

When the Saints go down in flames

[To the tune of "When the Saints Go Marching In"]

Oh, when the Saints go down in flames
Oh, when the Saints go down in flames
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh, when their ears begin to bleed
Oh, when their ears begin to bleed
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh, when Drew Brees gets sacked and picked
Oh, when Drew Brees gets sacked and picked
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh, when Big Kam earholes Jim Graham
Oh, when Big Kam earholes Jim Graham
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh when Wilson is DangeRuss
Oh when Wilson is DangeRuss
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh, when the state feels the BeastQuake
Oh, when the state feels the BeastQuake
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames

Oh, when the Saints go down in flames
Oh, when the Saints go down in flames
How I wish I were with the 12th Man
When the Saints go down in flames